


Jack and Jill

by celina7x



Category: Original Work
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-12
Updated: 2019-03-12
Packaged: 2019-11-16 05:40:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18088496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/celina7x/pseuds/celina7x
Summary: Jack is tired of dealing with his wife who thinks she wears the pants in their marriage. He sets out a plan to go on a little "vacation" to settle the score. Sounds romantic right?... Right?





	1. Chapter 1

Hi I'm Jack, your average guy just standing here at the grocery store watching the show

Why is it so hard to give me my fucking refund?! 

That's Jill, my wife. Coincidence? Well as you can see she's being Jill as usual. Starting arguments, causing drama, ruining lives. Mines included

Jill: Jack! Stop standing there like a fucking douchebag and tell them to give me my fucking refund!

I rolls my eyes and walk over to the cashier

Jill: You're in trouble now bitch

Oh shut up Jill

Jill: Tell her baby

Me: Can we just get the refund and be on our way?

Cashier: I'm sorry sir but without the receipt I can't give you a refund

Jill: Unfucking believable. Can you believe this shit?

I slam my hands on the counter

Me: Jill! Hun. Why don't you wait in the car and I'll get the damn refund okay?

Jill: You better dammit or your sleeping on the couch

Like I fucking care. You would be doing me a favor

She finally leaves. I let out a breath do I can finally breathe

Me: I'm sorry about my wife, she's a bitch 

The cashier nods in agreement

Me: Forget the refund. I'll just break a twenty and yeah

I look around for something to buy. I see a candy bar that Jill always cries about so I grab it

Me: I'll buy this for my "dear" wife

It was only a dollar so I give the cashier a twenty dollar bill to get change which she gives me. I smile at her

Me: Thanks 

She nods as I start walking away

She was cute but not my type. Yeah I check out other girls; so what? If you were in my situation, you'd do the same

I get into the car

Jill: Well it's about fucking...

I give her the money

Jill: Jesus like it was that fucking hard to do. Stupid slut. Ugh I hate these dumb bitches

Jack just shut her up already

I give her the candy without saying anything or even looking at her. She quickly grabs it

Jill: What?! 

She kisses my cheek but I roll my eyes

Jill: Thanks babe

Me: Yeah, yeah

Jill: This is why I love you so damn much

Why? So you can be a spoiled little bitch who has tantrums when she doesn't get what she wants?

Jill: Love me? 

Me: Yes babe

Jill: Look at me

Oh my god 

I do with a pretend smile

Me: Love you 

She pats my cheek

Jill: Good boy

I look away letting out a quiet growl while starting the car and driving off

Fuck my life


	2. Ditch Day

We get to our place. Jill goes to the couch and jumps on it

Jill: Holy shit what a day

She takes her boots off and turns the TV on. I just set the keys on the kitchen counter and put Jill's grocery bags on it as well since she's so lazy to do it herself

Me: Thanks for the help

Jill: Your welcome

I call her a bitch under my breath then start walking to the bedroom

Jill: Jack

I stop while trying not to let out a frustrated sigh

Me: Yes Jill? 

I look at her. She gives me a huge smile

I know that smile

Jill: Can you rub my feet? 

Me: Now?

Jill: Please

I slowly walk over while dragging my feet then fall into the couch. She puts her feet on my lap and yeah I start rubbing her feet...gross. I try not to think about it by watching TV but it was hard to concentrate when Jill was stroking my hair

Me: Don't mess it up

Jill: It's going to get messed up. Stop crying about your pretty boy hair

Me: Hmph

My phone starts ringing

Jill: Your boyfriend is calling you 

Me: Oh hush Jill 

I take it out my pocket with one hand, still rubbing Jill's foot with the other. It was my best friend Paul. He fucking hates Jill and she fucking hates him

Me: Yo

Paul: Guess what?

Me: What?

Paul: It's ditch Jill and go to the bar day

I quickly lower the volume of the phone so Jill doesn't hear. She hasn't looked at me so maybe she didn't hear him

Me: Mmhmm yeah

Paul: She's right there isn't she?

I let out a laugh to make it seem like we're not talking about her

Me: Yeah of course

Paul: She's making you do some bullshit. Let me see... She's making you file her nails?

Me: Nope

Paul: She's... Making you watch her soap operas 

I cover my face in frustration because I fucking hate her soap operas

Me: God no

Jill: Watch your language 

Me: Sorry babe

Paul let's out a gasp 

Paul: She's making you rub her feet

Me: Bingo

Paul: It's worse than I thought. How could you? 

Me: It's complicated

Paul: Complicated? What? Excuse me? You do all this shit for her and she gives you nothing

Me: That's not true

Paul: Oh yeah? What does she give you Jack? Please I'm dying to know

Shit...I don't know the answer 

Paul: I'll tell you what she gives you

I start drinking water

Paul: A little pat on the head and makes you her bitch when she could be sucking your dick

I quickly spit the water out

Jill: What the fuck Jack? You guys are talking about me; aren't you?

I shake my head while coughing. She snatches the phone out of my hand 

Jill: What are you saying about me Paul?

Paul: I'm telling Jack to put on his little big boy pants and ask you if we can hang

Jill: Yeah that's fine

Paul: Really? That's it? No argument?

Jill: Do you want a fucking argument? 

Paul: Nope. Picking him up at five. Bye

He hangs up. I look at her

Me: What the hell? I was still talking to him

Jill: Don't worry you'll see him tonight

Me: Really?

Jill: Yes, holy shit. You guys act like I don't let you go anywhere

Because you don't bitch

She gets up and leaves

Me: Where are you going?

Jill: To clean up your mess. It better not stain the carpet

Me: It's water! 

Jill: And?!

It's good you cared to see if I was alright or not. Almost choked to death and shit. Whatever. At least I'm leaving the house tonight 

Hours later...

Yes it's five finally. Jesus if time couldn't go any slower. I look at myself in the mirror to make sure I look okay

Jill: Looking good over there

Didn't ask you Jill. Yeah she's reading a book in bed as I got ready

Me: Thanks

I put some cologne on then hear honks outside. I quickly go over to Jill and kiss her on the cheek

Me: Bye love you

I storm out of the room before she could say it back and leave

Paul: There's that handsome motherfucker

Me: Fuck you

He laughs as I get in the car and he speeds off

Paul: So how does it feel to get away from Jill?

Me: Feels amazing. Jesus that woman is like a firecracker

Paul: Yeah I know. You married her

Me: Ugh, come on man. You're never going to let that go huh?

Paul: Nope

Paul pats my shoulder

Paul: Don't worry buddy I'll take care of you tonight. Drinks are on me

Me: Thanks bud

I let out a laugh

Paul: Something funny to you asshole?

Me: Jill calls you my boyfriend every time you call

He looks at me with a smirk then laughs

Paul: I basically am if you think about it. Always taking you away from your wife, treating you out, showing the respect and love you deserve

I give him a look while trying not to laugh. He looks at me

Paul: It's like a secret affair she doesn't even know about

I just stare at him

Me: If your drunk ass tries to kiss me, I'll kick the shit out of you 

He laughs then looks back to the road

Paul: Love you to buddy

Me: You're unbelievable you know that right?

He smiles

Paul: I know. That's why I'm awesome 

I roll my eyes

Me: Just drive you piece of shit

We laugh then enjoy the ride until we get to the bar


	3. Guys Night Out

We arrive at our hangout bar. It's small and quiet. People don't argue with each other and start fights. They just relax and have a good time

Bartender: Well look whose out of his cage

Me: Jesus Christ; does everyone know about my relationship?

Bartender: Let's just say you like to talk out loud when you have too many to drink

Me: I'll try my best not to get too crazy

Paul: No fucked that, we're going all out tonight buddy

We sit

Paul: Give us the strongest you got

Me: Jill's going to...

Paul: Na ah no wife talk here. No Jill zone here. That's outside of this bar

Me: I don't know about this

Paul: What's she going do Jack? Walk through that door and drag your ass out of here? 

I give him your nervous look

Paul: Come on!

He punches my shoulder

Me: Ow! What the fuck was that for?

Paul: Stop being a pussy!

I glare at him. I don't like being called that so I hit the bar

Me: Fuck it! Give us the strong shit

He slams his hand on the bar as well

Paul: There he is! There's my fucking boy! 

He punches my shoulder again

Me: I'm going to knock you out if you touch me again

He puts his hands up while making a stupid face. The bartender sets down a couple of shot glasses in front of us and fills them up. Paul and I grab one

Me: Here's to friendship

Paul: Fuck that. Here's to getting you out of the house from you controlling wife and getting fucked up 

I shrug in agreement

Me: Cheers to that 

We hit our glasses together then chug them. We struggle to take it at first but then hit the glasses onto the bar. I start coughing but Paul doesn't

Paul: Holy shit

Bartender: You said the strongest shit

Paul: Yeah but holy fuck

I randomly start laughing

Me: It's already getting to me. Oh man I'm going to feel this in the morning

He laughs at me

Paul: Oh Jacky boy. It's been too long

I lift my glass up

Me: Too long

A couple of hours pass and we're just chatting and laughing about old times

Me: Oh man. We need to find you a woman 

He shakes his head

Me: Oh come on

Paul: No

Me: Come on man; why?

Paul: Why? Uh have you seen what happened to you?

Me: Oh fuck you. Nothing's happened. Jill was never like this. I...I don't know why she's the way she is now

Paul: Because you spoil her. You do everything she tells you to do. You're basically her a little puppy dog. She throws a ball and tells you to fetch, you do it

Me: Yeah...I know. I don't like disappointing her

I start laughing

Me: The fuck am I saying? Let me tell you a secret

Paul: Okay?

I wave him over which he does

Me: I fucking hate my wife man. No, I despise her. She drives me fucking crazy and she doesn't give a shit about what I think

Paul: Duh leave her

Me: That's the thing... I can't

Paul: Uh yeah you can 

I shake my head

Me: No, no I can't. Want to know why?

Paul: Obviously jackass

Me: It's a secret so you can't tell anyone

Paul: Yeah whatever 

I get closer and whisper 

Me: She has a secret will from her family. Loads of money. So I'm going to just stay until it goes to me

Paul: It's her will though. Is she giving it to you if she were to die first?

I shrug

Me: Who the fuck knows 

Paul: Wait I'm confused...

I roll my eyes

Me: Oh my god Pauly 

Paul: How are you going to get it? That's what I'm asking. Jill is going to live for one hundred years or so

Me: Unless something happens to her. I don't know she just disappears 

He raises an eyebrow

Paul: Jack what are saying?

Me: You know like creep on her and then BAM! 

Paul jumps then looks around. Everyone looks at me but then go back to what they're doing

Paul: Jesus Christ

Me: knock her out. Or maybe I should catch her off guard when she's sleeping. Just grab a pillow and just fucking smother her

Paul: Jack...

He lowers his head then whispers

Paul: Are you thinking of killing your wife?

I make a dumb look then whisper back

Me: No... Wasn't thinking that at all

I wink at him

Me: I'm totally thinking about that

I chug a shot then slip out of the chair

Paul: Okay buddy that's the sign to leave

He helps me up

Bartender: Do you need me to call you guys a cab?

Paul: That be great. Come on Jacky boy, it's time to leave

Me: Aw I was having a good time

Paul: I was to but I don't want you to pass out here

Me: Hold on

Paul: What's wrong?

Me: I think my pants are vibrating

Paul: Idiot your phone

Me: Oh yeah. Where is it?

I start looking around. He rolls his eyes then takes it out of my pocket

Paul: Shit it's Jill

I make a disgusted look

Me: Ew what the fuck does she want? Doesn't she know, it's a no Jill zone here in this bar; am I right?

Paul: I'll talk to her

He answers it

Paul: Hi Jill Jack can't get to his phone at the moment but what's up?

Jill: It's three in the fucking morning and Jack is not here that's what's up

Paul: Um Jill first of all, you need to chill out. Second of all you...

He starts laughing. I start snickering

Jill: Oh ha ha it's fucking funny being a drunk is it?

Paul: Relax girl we got it under control here. No one's driving, getting a cab home

Jill: Hmph

Paul: But I must ask a favor

Jill: What? 

Paul: Can Jack spend the night? He's really fucked up and I don't think you want to deal with that for the rest of the night

Me: I am not

Jill: I'll be the judge. Put him on the phone

Paul: As you wish your highness

He puts the phone on my ear

Me: Hello? 

Jill: Hi it's your wife

Me: Oh hey baby. What are you up to tonight? I'm totally not fucked up, I don't know what the fuck Paul's talking about...

I start laughing again 

Jill: There's no way in hell I'm dealing with that when I'm trying to sleep. You can sleep at Paul's house and when you feel like shit then you come back home 

Me: Woohoo sleepover! 

Jill: I better get a thank you out of this

She hangs up

Me: Love you to... Hello? 

I look at Paul

Me: She hung up. Oh well... At least we're having a sleep over

He smiles

Paul: Hell yeah

Bartender: Your cabs here. Get out of here already

He laughs. Paul and I look at him and laugh

Paul: Oh come on; you know you're going to miss us

Bartender: Yeah, yeah, yeah

We leave the bar, get into the cab, and head to Paul's house where he helped me to the guest room and I passed out. He passed out in his room? Or the living room? Maybe even the floor? Ah I'll find out in the morning


End file.
